Home and school partnership is key to student flourishing. When there is a positive rapport between teacher and parents, students are more likely to improve academic results, develop resilience and increase self-esteem. But when the relationship between teacher and parent is strained, it can be a huge barrier for communication and effective partnership. A negative relationship between home and school often stems from a point of conflict that becomes a script that is difficult to re-write.
In my role as Deputy I was all to familiar with managing conflict with parents. But over time I learnt strategies to effectively navigate and manage disagreements with parents and increase trust and support from families. This post is first in a two part series with 10 tips to navigate complaints and maintain a positive relationship between home and school.
- Reflective Listening: When we are upset, our key desire is feeling heard. This is the case for our parents, particularly when they are advocating for their child. Therefore when a parent is upset, begin with focusing entirely on reflective listening, whether that be in person, on the phone or via email. Reflective listening involves literally bouncing back the main ideas or points being raised. It requires listening intently and not putting your perspective into the response. All you are doing is responding by saying ‘So you feel…’ or ‘You are saying that…’ or ‘From your perspective…’ If a parent is feeling heard this will go a long way to resolving any conflict and working in partnership.
- Partial Agreement: Even if you disagree with the parent’s perspective, see if there is an aspect with which you can agree or support. Partial agreement communicates that you are on the same team and are seeking to find a solution together. After doing reflective listening, select the point that you do agree with and acknowledge this to the parent. This might be as simple as empathising with how their child might be feeling.
- Defer: If you feel that the emotion of the conversation is too heated or you don’t have an immediate answer, defer and say that you’ll get back to them. It is better to take your time to talk to the student, their peers and other teachers to have a clear and accurate picture of the situation. Give the parent a realistic expectation for how long it will take to investigate further. This might be up to a week. However, you can also offer some short term solutions in the interim such as checking in with their child each day or sending an email half way through the week to update on your progress.
- Do Your Research: If you have a different perspective or opinion thank the parent, make sure you’ve done your research before you make your case. For playground scenarios speak to multiple children and the teacher on duty. For academic concerns speak to specialist teachers and support staff. Have clear and tangible examples you can refer to so that you are not conveying your opinion but communicating the facts. For example I would say to parents ‘I understand that your child feels…but having spoke to five students who observed the situation they have said…this makes the situation complex as you can see there are different perspectives on what took place’.
- Be Honest But Tactful: You do a child a disservice if you are not honest with their parents painting an accurate picture of what you observe at school. But honesty can be done tactfully. A parent is far more likely to hear your perspective and take on board the feedback if you speak with respect and in a constructive manner. Some examples are below:
Your child always has melt downs. vs Your child is really struggling to manage his emotions.
Your child is lazy and doesn’t focus in class. vs Your child has so much potential but she isn’t harnessing what she’s capable of because she isn’t focused.
Your child is setting a bad example for the class. vs Your child is a natural leader and his peers gravitate to him. It would fantastic if he could be a positive role model to others rather than being known for doing the wrong thing.
Your child is overly anxious and needs more grit. vs Your child is growing in confidence and my goal for her is that she can become more resilient.
Your child is bossy and doesn’t share. vs Your child is struggling to listen to others which is causing tension in his friendships. I want to help him develop skills to work with his peers and establish positive relationships.
In next week’s post I will give 5 more tips on managing conflict with parents. My eBook ‘Managing Email For Teachers’ includes templates that can be used to respond to parents in times of conflict. Sign up to my weekly posts via email in order to receive a free copy of this eBook.
Managing Conflict With Parents:
Part 1
- Reflective Listening
- Partial Agreement
- Defer
- Do Your Research
- Be Honest But Tactful
Part 2
- Emphasise Partnership
- Follow Up
- Practical Advice
- Get Support
- Acknowledge Negativity
