Management of difficult behaviour in students is best approached collaboratively by home and school. This is why I love 123 Magic as a framework for Primary School students. The program has been written for school and home, providing children with clear expectations and boundaries for behaviour. The underlying philosophy of the program balances two truths. On one hand we need to be warm and friendly towards children, showing care, love and enjoying their company. But on the other hand we need to be firm by demanding good behaviour and having clear expectations with rules and limits.
This post is the first in a three part series on 123 Magic:
Part 1:
When managing difficult behaviour we often fall into the false assumption that children are operating like adults. Therefore, the problem with misbehaviour is that they don’t have enough information and need further reasoning. We assume that the solution is to have further explanation and negotiation until the child understands and agrees with what is expected. We rely heavily on words and reasons, which is not always impactful. Often discussion and negotiation then can escalate and becomes emotional and heated.
Talking and explaining to children certainly has a place. One explanation is useful, but repeated explanations are then unhelpful. The two biggest mistakes adults make with discipline are too much talking and too much emotion. Excessive talking and emotion mean children are less likely to cooperate, they will instead become confused, irritated and distracted. When the child’s emotion escalates, the adult’s emotion must deescalate.
Children also need to know that the adults are in control.It is important to remain consistent, decisive and calm. This creates a sense of safety and security. Decisive and clear directions on behaviour create this sense of security.
We need to teach children to switch from their primitive brain to their thinking brain. The primitive brain acts as the accelerator. The thinking brain acts as the brake. An outside in approach uses rewards or removing privileges to reinforce behaviour. An inside out approach helps children self regulate, which is the ultimate aim. The marshmallow study revealed that children with self regulation are most successful later in life. The ability to delay gratification, sit in discomfort and manage struggles in learning is important in developing self regulation. Self regulation requires identifying, tracking and managing emotions.
Changing Behaviour Patterns
It takes time to change behaviour patterns. Children will automatically try to revert to old patterns. It can be easy to let long term negative cycles continue rather than breaking them. Short term solutions that don’t address behaviour have long term consequences. Adults are responsible for initiating change for behaviour in children. We need to be prepared for resistance and persevere by being consistent and firm.
Next week my post will focus on sorting behaviours and using counting 123 to manage stop behaviour.
