5 Tools For Anxious Children

Recently I had the privilege of talking to a little boy who had seen a psychologist for anxiety. As he shared some of the strategies he had learnt in the session, I was reminded of the myriad of powerful and immensely practical tools we have at our finger tips to assist students with anxiety. In my work as Deputy Head of Primary at Emanuel School I was responsible for student wellbeing and worked closely with the school counsellors to support many anxious students. Additionally I became a certified facilitator of ‘The Leader In Me’ which is Franklin Covey’s student program of ‘7 Habits of Highly Effective People’. These experiences gave me many opportunities to teach children tools that could effectively manage their anxiety at school.

Feeling anxious is a logical ‘fight or flight’ response to danger. However, often we can become overly anxious about a perceived threat that doesn’t actually put us in danger. Persistent worrying can be out of proportion with reality and can impact on daily functioning. Ongoing feelings of distress that impact ability to manage everyday challenges can develop into an anxiety disorder.

According to Black Dog Institute, anxiety is the most common mental health condition in Australia. Sadly anxiety disorder is prevalent in young children and teenagers as well. Fearful or anxious behaviour is normal for all children, particularly as they encounter new experiences. However, most children learn to cope with feelings of worry and fear. But some children feel continually anxious in a way that prohibits them from participating in normal activities.

It is important that children with anxiety disorder to have professional help. However, below are five tools that are useful for all students, but particularly for those with anxiety. I have written these in language that I would use for children so that teachers and parents can use the description as a script.

1. Thought Bus: Sometimes we get on a Thought Bus in reaction to a situation or event. Our Thought Buses are often not very helpful and may not reflect what is happening in reality. We need to spot a Thought Bus when it pulls up in our mind and then make sure we let the bus drive by. Don’t get on the Thought Bus. For example a teacher said to Jess ‘Stop stop talking Jess’. Then Jess got on a ‘Thought Bus’ and said to herself ‘Oh dear I’m in trouble now, I’m going to get all my friends in trouble, maybe my teacher really doesn’t’ like me, actually no teachers like me, I’m a terrible student’.
2. Detective Thinking: Detectives are always on the look out for evidence and facts. Sometimes our worry brain can take over and draw us away from reality. We need to switch to our detective brain and look for the facts. There are 4 steps to detective thinking. 1 Think about a past experience and remember if it worked out badly. 2 Look for information around by using your common sense. 3 Think if there might be a different explanation for an event. 4 Turn the situation around and pretend you are the other person, then think about how they might be feeling. Once you’ve gathered these facts, use the evidence to think of a calm thought.
3. Risk O Meter: Children can experience the same event but feel very differently about it. Our feelings about an event are based on what we tell ourselves in our head. Sometimes we think that the likelihood of a bad event is greater than it is in reality. We assume that the event will be unbearable or a disaster. This is catastrophic thinking. The Risk O Meter (see below) can help you decide if an event is a catastrophe. Rate the event 1 to 10. A score of 1 is a minor worry such as cutting your finger or not knowing who to play with at lunch time. A score of 10 is going to hospital in an ambulance.
4. Circle of Control: You might have worries that fall into your outer circle of concern (see below). These are things that make you feel uneasy, but you can’t change them. For example the weather, traffic, reactions of other students. But there are lots of things that fall into your inner circle of control. These are things you can change, for example what you wear, the game you play at lunch or whether you are smiling. The more you focus on your circle of control, the more calm you feel because you’re not focusing on worries that you can’t change. Instead you are focusing on what you can change.
5. Breathing: Focusing on your breath is a wonderful tool to help calm anxious thoughts in order to make a good decision. To start with count ten big breaths. Observe where you feel the breath, in your chest, tummy, shoulders or rib cage. Focus on lengthening the breath by counting in for three and then counting out for three. Starfish breathing is another great tool. Spread your fingers out like a starfish and trace around your fingers as you breathe in and out. On the in-breath trace your index finger up your pinkie finger and on the out breath trace your index finger down your pinkie finger. Repeat for each finger tracing up and down for the in-breath and out-breath.