In my last two posts I have written about the science of happiness based on ‘The How of Happiness’ by Sonja Lyubomirsky. The science of happiness is part of a growing body of research called ‘positive psychology’. The premise of the science of happiness is that we can develop a positive state of mind to live a happy and rewarding life. Behaviour based on intentional activity accounts for 40% of happiness. There are five strategies that can be used to change you and your student’s happiness levels using intentional activity. In this post I will address the third strategy, managing stress and hardship.
5 Strategies For Influencing Happiness
Managing Stress and Hardship
It is inevitable that everyone will undergo stress, adversity and crisis at some point in their life. It may seem contradictory to talk about stress and hardship in relation to happiness. However, becoming a happier person means rising above your happiness set point. Coping and forgiveness are two key strategies for managing challenges in life and influence the 40% of happiness that is impacted by intentional activity.
Coping
Coping is used to alleviate hurt or stress caused by a negative situation or life event. In psychology there are two methods for coping. ‘Problem focused’ is where you focus on resolving the situation. ‘Emotion focused’ is about managing your emotional reactions. Both ‘problem focused’ and ‘emotion focused’ coping can be valuable, it is dependant on the person or situation. Constructing benefit from trauma is when you see value or gain from a negative life event. This is a very effective coping strategy. For example there might be a relational gain, increased maturity, enhanced resilience or a renewed sense of meaning. As Friedrich Nietzsche said ‘That which does not kill me, makes me stronger’.
Classroom Application: Consider what coping strategies could be used with your students when they hit life’s bumps and roadblocks. Social support through friends, family and teachers are important for providing comfort in times of strain and distress. Expressive writing is another technique to overcome hardship as it facilitates letting go of emotions.
Disputation is a strategy used in cognitive therapy for depression is involves challenging pessimistic thoughts. With children, you can use the terminology of ‘detective thinking’. In difficult situations, we are often overwhelmed by negative emotions that can then catastrophise the situation. Disputing negative thoughts and beliefs allows you to look for more optimistic explanations. Encourage your students to ‘think like a detective’ to examine the evidence around them and see if their negative emotions are based on facts and if there is a more positive outlook they could take.
Forgiveness
Stress and hardship are often associated with being wronged, hurt or attacked by someone. Forgiveness can disrupt unhelpful patterns of avoidance, vengeance or revenge and instead replaces these attitudes with more positive feelings or behaviours. Forgiveness has two elements, forgiving yourself and the one who has wronged you. Forgiveness doesn’t always mean that you will restore the relationship with the offender, but those who have forgiven are more able to re-establish relationships. Long term hostility and resentment ultimately hurts us emotionally and physically. Forgiveness creates a shared sense of humanity and a greater desire to help others.
Classroom Application: Think about how you can model forgiveness in your classroom. Firstly, encourage students to appreciate when they are forgiven. Next ask them to seek forgiveness from others, whether it is a past or present wrong. We can ask for forgiveness in person or through a letter of apology. Recognising and accepting when you are in the wrong creates greater empathy to then in turn forgive others. Psychologists also recommend imagining forgiveness where you mentally and emotionally rehearse the process before seeking forgiveness in person. When asking for forgiveness, ask your students if they are ruminating on past hurts. Remind them instead to think of times they’ve been forgiven.
Practising empathy towards others and taking pro- active steps to repair and rebuild relationships are also key strategies in forgiveness. If students need to ask for forgiveness, encourage them to consider what they can do to continue to restore the relationship and create deposits in the emotional bank account of trust with the person they have hurt.
In my next article I will describe the final two strategies for increasing happiness – committing to goals and taking care of your body and soul.
Question for you: How do you model proactive ways of managing stress and hardship to your students?
Growing Happiness
